See that girl there? That’s me when I was 13. That guy, J, he was 19, and he was my boyfriend. They day that this photo was taken was the day that changed my life forever.
It was New Years eve, we were at a music festival with friends, and me and him had been together for almost 2 months. I finally saw our relationship for what it was, wrong. There was a big age difference and I was too young to want the same things as him. That night, he got very drunk. He told me he’d had over 12 beers. He dragged me into the tent and started taking my clothes off, and kissing me. I kept saying “no, I want to go back outside with everyone else” but he didn’t listen. Finally, I told him I wanted to break up. He got angry. He was swearing at me, not letting me run away from him. Threatening me. It took me 45 minutes to get away from him. I went to my brother and told him we’d broken up. We went back to the camp-fire where I found J. He was alone and brooding. I asked him if he was ok, and he said he wanted to talk to me in private. We walked off into the trees a little way and he got me on the ground. He started unbuttoning my jeans. I said “no, J, I’ve got my period” it was a lie and we both knew it. He fingered me for a time then told me to get up. He started pulling me further into the forest. I was scared, I knew what was happening but I couldn’t stop him, he was much too strong for me. He took me over the hill and down to the river that lay on the other side. He told me to get naked, “now.” I did as I was told. My skin was white in the moon light. He told me to get on my knees. I did as I was told. He grabbed my hair and told me to give him a blow job. Again, I did as I was told. He forced himself down my throat and gagged me. I was crying. Soon my face was wet with tears and bile. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t scream. He continued to abuse me for 5 hours. Then he tried to rape me. He didn’t listen no matter how many times I said no. I said “I’ll get pregnant”, he said “I don’t care.” He threw me face down into the sand, his hand on my back, his other hand opening my legs. I kicked out as hard as I could, and got him in the crotch. He fell beside me, swearing and gasping, grabbing at my hair. I elbowed him in the face, grabbed my clothes and ran. By the time I got away from him and back to the camp fire, the birds were singing, no one was around and the fire had been reduced to embers. I crawled into my brothers tent and lay beside him crying silently until morning.
I got away from him that night, but he knew where I lived. He continued to abuse me for 6 months, and I didn’t tell a soul. He would make me sneak out to meet him. It was the same every time. One night I had a party with some friends, without him. He found out I had been kissing other guys and he called me a slut. He was jealous and pissed off. He told me it was over, he was done.
Three years later, I spoke up about what he did to me. I prosecuted him, but all he got was home detention, because of lack of evidence.
Last month, he got out. I was sitting at home on tumblr one day and I got a text from him saying “what the fuck have you done?”. I was home alone, and freaking out. I had been sitting up in my bedroom sleep out, which is separate from the house. I ran down to call the police, and I grabbed a knife. I started running back up to my room again because it was safer then the house. Then I saw him standing in my garden, just looking at me. I got such a fright I feel over. He was standing over me before I could get back up and he pushed me down, hitting my head on a rock, twisting my arm so I’d drop the knife. He started undoing his belt, when I saw my brother in the house looking for me. I screamed. He came running up behind J before he saw him and grabbed him off me, punching him. Then the police turned up. J was taken to jail.
I get flashbacks frequently. My boyfriend is here to support me, but it’s still really hard. I have a fantastic life now. I have a boyfriend of 2 and a half years that loves me, and he was a big part in me moving on from the abuse. I look forward to the future.
I want girls everywhere to be strong, and stand up for themselves. Do what’s best for you. Protect yourself. Don’t ever, EVER let a man push you around. You deserve the best. Find people who love you and care for you, and if you ever get abused, don’t believe you’re worth that. Don’t think for a second that you are not worth respect and love. Be strong.
We're updating Fluid!
Soon, we'll be updating the look and feel of this theme. Read about the changes here. You can easily turn off this notification in the theme customization panel.
